Tag Archives: matriarch

What If You Died Tonight? Part 2

march 6

I am challenging the family members to heed my call on the importance of preparing for a future event like death or disability.

Procrastination as they say is a thief of time and has no place in any organization.

Let me be straightforward. Are the issues below happening? If left unresolved, any one issue can trigger an avalanche of conflict among family members that can spillover to the next generation.

Family members have limited communication skills and are unable to handle a future conflict especially when you are gone

  • There is a brewing conflict
  • There is an urgent need to establish harmony within the family
  • The goals and values of the family are unclear
  • There is no clarity on Roles and Responsibilities
  • There is no accountability
  • There is no Formal Succession Plan
  • There is a huge gap between generations in terms of work attitude, mindset, and values
  • Senior generation control is triggering tension
  • Next Generation sense of entitlement is triggering more tension

Planning the family’s business future is a process and there are several stages that must be initiated.

Firstly, the patriarch or matriarch must address critical issues related to family involvement in the business.

Family members wear many hats all at the same time. How does a business leader distinguish between his or her role as president of the enterprise and his or her role as mother or father?

How can a parent distinguish between his/her unconditional love over his/her children and a parent/business leader exacting performance over them?

The same question goes for the younger generation. Do they expect special treatment because they wear son or daughter hats?

To address the dilemma, the family must develop a family constitution or a charter that highlights shared values and vision as the cornerstone of the family agreement.

A constitution can only be effective based on two areas: it should have specific policies governing family-business relationships and it is activated immediately right after signing lest it becomes a useless piece of document. Sadly, every month without fail, my firm in Asia, the Wong + Bernstein Family Business Unit has been approached by family members complaining why their family constitution prepared by other consultants remain ineffective.

Thirdly, a constitution reinforced by a shareholder’s agreement should be prepared. The latter is a legally and enforceable document that regulates shareholder behavior and act as a deterrent for erring family members/shareholders. Without a Shareholder’s agreement, the constitution is empty!

And lastly, the senior leaders must prepare a 5 to 10-year succession plan that can prepare the next generation members to assume leadership based on a future event.

Why are these interventions non-negotiable? Even the best family businesses that I have coached must work hard at governance and relationship building. It does not end with the signing of the agreement.

In many instances, next generation members appear confused and cannot reconcile why I would always advocate a shift in owner mentality to a professional manager mentality when for many years the parents have ingrained ruinous statements such as “someday this business that I built from scratch will be yours”.

An understanding of what the company’s mission is, what its short and long term goals are, and solid job descriptions can be a good starting point for businesses that are going through some form of “natural tension”.

When done right, the transition from parents to young children entering the business phase can be a wonderful opportunity to embed governance and define the boundaries of family and business. Good, open communications fostered by the parents can help build good relationships throughout the different phases.

esoriano@wongadvisory.com

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Taming the Black Sheep

When parents are not united in their words and actions, display conflicting messages and continue to tolerate the black sheep family member’s damaging actions, Prof. Eddelston correctly painted two scenarios:

  • The black sheep or “Fredo” will either withdraw from the family business and/or;
  • Lash out with selfish behaviors in an effort to gain compensation for their circumstances

Another aggravating scenario that will further add strain to the family is the tendency of the children to pit parents against each other.

On one hand, a parent, usually the mother, has the natural tendency to coddle underperforming family members by way of covertly supporting the children (financial and advice) often against the wishes of the father who in most cases is the disciplinarian.

Unknowingly, the actions of the coddling parent (rewarding/reinforcing bad behavior) will eventually lead to more problems effectively undermining an already strained relationship among family members.

On the other hand, the children who have communication issues with the stricter parent will gravitate to the coddling parent resulting in real conflict and constant clashes between parents and the children.

To mitigate the tension, the family will “sweep the issues under the rug”, ignore the tension and for most family members, would rather just “suffer in silence.”

This unstable “ceasefire” will allow a semblance of numbing peace but it will only be temporary. When a sensitive topic is raised and a raw nerve is touched, expect an avalanche of problems to come out in the open and a new round of discord is activated.

With the “elephant in the room” becoming so big but deliberately ignored, stress levels will continue to surge and one trigger, just one, can discharge another round of infighting. This event, if left unresolved, becomes a vicious cycle that consumes and zaps the energy of every family member.

At this juncture, the family is in a state of helplessness and on the brink of finally “throwing in the towel.” When left unresolved, this negative energy spills over to the business.

Unfortunately, when the parents are already old or are gone, you can expect the children (and in-laws) to slug it out, employing higher levels of relationship conflict. With their newly inherited ownership rights, the problems are compounded and another bruising conflict awaits the siblings. This highly charged situation becomes a precursor for family members to sell out and marks the beginning of the end of the family business.

Do you want to have a united and harmonious family? Do you want family members to become responsible owners and stewards? Eddelston offers some advice in dealing with black sheep and underperforming family members.

First, confront the child, either one-on-one or through an experienced advisor. Sometimes children do not realize the harm they bring to the family and the business so articulating the family’s clear position is important. Show that the bad behavior has major consequences and expulsion, suspension or demotion are options available.

Second, give the child another job – one that better suits his/her interests and experience. Sometimes an otherwise “good” family member can seem like a black sheep because the person is ill-suited to the industry and business.

Third, consider firing or buying out the child’s shares. Unfortunately, in reality, there are also situations when firing him/her is not practical since the person does not have career options and needs to provide for a family.

You are not alone. Having a black sheep family member is universal. Initiating these actions are unpleasant but in the end you just have to do what is best for the family and the business.